These days, so many friends and family are involved in the wedding planning and preparation that weddings have become and all-day affair for many guests. In addition, the bride and groom may have trusted certain friends and family members with important tasks because they want them to feel involved and part of the Big Day.

While this is a great way to ensure that your day is well-prepped and that you feel surrounded by family and friends, there are some drawbacks, too. Every person who has a “job” for the day may feel that they are excepted from all the other guest rules. By the time all your friends and family break various protocols, you have a very stressful day for you, your groom, and even your wedding vendors.

With that in mind, here are some rules for wedding guests. While you can’t very well include this with your invitations, you can probably have someone sneak a copy to the troublemakers on your guest list.

1. If possible, deliver gifts to the bride’s home at least two weeks before the wedding. While an overflowing gift table makes for lovely decor at the wedding, getting home with an extra carload or two of stuff is difficult for the couple and family. (Of course, if you are traveling in for the wedding, bringing the gift may be your only reasonable option.)
2. Do not wear white. Period. Even a mostly-white-with-some-color dress is pushing it. If you just don’t have another alternative, be sure to wear a jacket or sweater in a color and some contrasting accessories. White is reserved for the bride (and sometimes the groom). She (and he) deserves to be the only one in this color. also recommends that ladies not wear solid black. Remember, it’s a wedding, not a funeral. Again, if you don’t have another color option or if the wedding is very late in the evening and you feel a cocktail dress is essential, pair the dress with contrasting accessories and wear a colored jacket or sweater.
3. Do not call the bride, groom, wedding attendants, parents, grandparents, cousins, siblings, minister, or anyone else on the day of the wedding. If you are lost and need directions, call the venue office or use Google’s directory assistance (1-800-466-4411). Find your own way (or get help from another guest) from the ceremony to the reception.
4. Arrive 10-30 minutes before the wedding. If you are too early, you’ll interrupt photography, final touches to decorations, and the bride and groom’s last few moments before they take the biggest step of their lives. If you arrive too late, you’ll miss part of the ceremony. (Traditionally, mothers and grandmothers are seated 5 minutes before the wedding time.) Study your maps and directions ahead of time, and be prepared to meander through the town and the day as if you did not have a mobile phone.
5. Silence phones and pagers.
6. If babysitting services are unavailable, make sure that any children are quiet during the entire ceremony. School-age kids should be instructed ahead of time of behavior expectations. Pre-school-age children can usually be given quiet toys such as fabric dolls/cars and coloring books. Toddlers and infants should be seated at the back of the venue and should be removed from the ceremony if they become fussy. Most ceremony venues have a cry room or side area where the distracting child can be coddled and where the caregiver can still hear and see the ceremony.
7. At the recessional, allow mothers and grandmothers–and their escorts–to follow the wedding party up the aisle.
8. Leave the venue, and travel to the reception. Do not linger in hopes of catching the bride and groom (unless the couple has a receiving line at the ceremony venue). The point of the reception is for them to greet their guests. Allow them to share their first few married moments alone. Allow for the signing of marriage licenses and contracts. Allow them to get photography started immediately so they can get to the reception as quickly as possible. Allow those closest to the couple–parents, grandparents, siblings, and attendants–to share in those first few moments alone with them.
9. At the reception, be ready to greet the couple and celebrate with them.
10. Participate in any “events” the couple or their family has planned during the reception, such as Grand March, Redovy, Generations Dance, conga line, and the bouquet and garter tosses. We promise you’ll have more fun. And, the bride and groom will have better photos for their album. (And, after all, isn’t it supposed to be about them?) If called upon, keep your toast short and sweet.
11. If you can, stay for the couple’s getaway. Receptions are longer these days and not all guests are able to make the full “marathon”. Some couples fully expect some guests to leave part way through the event while the young adults party late into the night. If you have a question about the time line, feel free to ask the photographer or DJ. They almost always know what time the getaway is supposed to happen.

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For any seated dinner–even a buffet–consider incorporating a seating chart. If you only reserve tables for the wedding party and parents/siblings, you could still leave family “out in the cold”. A seating chart will keep “chatty Cousin Carriee” away from anyone who might find her overbearing. It also keeps “drunk Uncle Elbert ” from sitting with your fiance’s college buddies. In addition, a seating chart gives you the chance to ensure that your friends will meet one another instead of just spending time with people they already know. A thoughtful hostess will put people with similar interests together so they will have something to talk about.

The seating chart does not need to be complex or elaborate. It also doesn’t have to be the laborious chore it was when our mothers got married.

recommends Simple Seating dot com. This nifty and affordable ($0-$45, depending on your needs) program will allow you to import your guest list, play with table sizes/shapes/arrangements, track RSVPs and headcount, and places guests in the exact seat you want them to have. If seating charts are this easy, then why not create one?

The latest advice we’ve seen suggests that you avoid having a “singles” table. While your single friends may appreciate the chance to know exactly what guys there are not attached, it’s usually an uncomfortable situation for all of them. Instead, put single people at tables with families of 3 or 5. Or, work in two single people at a table of couples.

Finally, be sure to factor in a kids table if children are invited into the main reception room. Kids are usually quite bored at weddings. Be sure to include activities, toys, and games that are quiet and will keep them interested.

will be happy to help you sort your guests into smaller groups that will make nice groupings at your event. We also have a wide variety of ideas for making a kids’ area special and entertaining for them.

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Wedding maps are essential in today’s invitation folios. They help guests find the ceremony and give them valuable information about hotel reservations and other travel details.

can design a printed map with driving directions for your invitation. We also recommend that you include the “from ceremony to reception” map and directions on the back of your wedding program. (Your day will run much more smoothly if you do not have to give directions to your family and friends during those first few moments of marriage.)

Thanks to Google maps technology, there is now a great online service, Wedding Mapper, that allows you to map not just the ceremony, reception, and hotels, but also a variety of points of interest in the town(s) where your event(s) will occur.

As a demo, I’ve made a map of some of the locations from our wedding events in 2001 and some of our favorite places in town, now.

This fabulous service can be used for free (like my demo) , but is only $10 for some advanced features.

Add this site to your own wedding website. Your guests will have an easier travel experience, which will lead to more fun for them and less stress for you.

because everything should be just…

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